


Love I Saved for Myself

by NarryEm



Series: Broken Like a Promise verse [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, Hurt, M/M, Narry - Freeform, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-27
Updated: 2014-01-27
Packaged: 2018-01-10 01:48:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1153324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarryEm/pseuds/NarryEm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Does it burn</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Knowing I used all the pain?</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Does it hurt</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Knowing you're fuel to my flame?</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Or the one where Harry is still broken over what happened between him and Niall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love I Saved for Myself

**Author's Note:**

> title and summary from _Good Enough_ by Little Mix.

It hurts. Every time he cooks himself a fry-up, every time he goes out with his friends, every time he climbs into his empty bed, every time he _breathes_ it feels as though his heart is about to shatter into a million fragile pieces and he has to physically squeeze his arms around his ribs so that he won't fall apart.

It's pathetic, really. Harry's gone through breakups before. Been the one to dump them and have been the dumpee. But with Niall, it's really different. He had believed that they were meant to be, that they could be each other's forever. He saw his future in Niall and he had foolishly thought that Niall did so as well.

Look where that's gotten him now.

It's been nearly a year and the only contact he has had with his old bandmates is Zayn. And that's only for the baby shower for his and Perrie's first twins and he had shown up for an hour or two and returned before he could run into Niall. From what he's heard, Perrie has given birth to a set of healthy twins, one girl and one boy.

Oddly enough, he hasn't heard much about Niall. Most of them chose to remain in the music industry. Liam has become a songwriter/producer, Zayn has his own label, and Louis, well, he chose to become a full-time footballer. Niall writes too, and provides guitar tracks for some artists. But Harry has heard or read nothing about Niall or his relationship with his girl in the tabloids when he walks by the magazine stands at Tesco's. He wants to know but at the same time, he wants to hear nothing about Niall. That guy broke his heart, for all he knows Niall could have started a new life in Australia near where 5 Seconds of Summer live and have his own farm.

 

 

-

 

 

It's late spring and the weather in England is still deciding whether or not it wants to be spring or summer. There are days when the gentle breeze is just enough to rustle his curls and there those days when it's nearly twenty degrees out, a shocker for those accustomed to the weather.

Harry is walking through the busy streets of London, on his way to get his coffee, when he bumps into someone.

"Sorry," he says automatically, arms reaching out to steady the other person.

"No worries," the other person says, in a strong Irish brogue.

Harry looks up. It can't be.

"Niall?" he asks, gobsmacked.

"Harry? Erm, good to see ya again," Niall offers, words sounding awkward even to himself. Fuck. Of all people he could have run into in London, it had to be Harry. His ex-fiance that he hadn't seen in more than a year.

"How you been?" he tries.

Harry swallows, mouth gone dry. "Alright. You stopped bleaching your hair."

Niall laughs, the same carefree, uncontrolled laughter that would lift up even the grumpiest person's mood. "Yeah, once the media backed off, didn't have to. That's good to hear. Like we didn't exactly leave on best of terms and I thought that you'd hate me or summat."

A lump lodges itself in Harry's throat. Most days, Harry feels empty but when he does feel it's the love that he still has left for his Niall. "I could never hate you, Nialler."

The Irishman grins. "That's brill. Uhm, it's early yet. You wanna do lunch in a bit? I got nothin' t' do today and I'm glad that I ran into ya, to be honest."

Harry freezes up. He hasn't any plans for the day either but somehow, he knows that he can't refuse. This might be the last he'll see of Niall for the next ten years for all he knows.

"Yeah. There's this great coffee place by the London Bridge, on the Upper Thames street. They have the best panini."

Niall grins. "It's a date then."

For the second time, Harry watches as the love of his life walks away from him. But this time, he knows that Niall will come back to him.

 

 

-

 

 

So Harry wasn't sure if Niall had meant by 'date'. Was it just two old mates having lunch together after not talking to each other for over a year or like those lunch dates he and Niall used to sneak into their busy schedule whenever they could? Either way, you couldn't go wrong with a chambray button-down and blacks jeans, yeah? And Harry most certainly did not try to style his hair in a presentable way for the past ten minutes in the bathroom.

After a slow calming breath, Harry puts down the tub of gel and washes his hands. He double-checks that he's got his wallet and mobile on him and the keys are still on the kitchen table. He figures that he'll drive there, what with the notorious London traffic and the distance.

It's a few minutes past noon when Harry arrives at the cafe and to his dismay, Niall isn't here yet. Of course, what else should he have expected? He had never returned the calls or the texts, not after the letter that he had sent. Truth be told, he had hoped that the letter would bring closure for him. It had had the opposite effect on him. The letter had only reminded all the memories he and Niall had shared and all the possibilities of their future together only tormented him.

"Sorry Haz," the familiar voice jolts him out of his reverie. "Got stuck in th' traffic and didn't really know where this place was. The view is great though. Remember when we had to shoot the video for Midnight Memories up there? Reckon Liam gave the paps a heart attack when he leant over to see just how many were swarming down there."

Harry smiles. He can't help his next action. He pulls Niall in for a hug that is long overdue.

"Great t' see ya too, ya numpty," Niall jokes.

"Yeah," Harry manages and unwraps his arms from around Niall's torso, refusing to cry. "Let's eat something, yeah? Like I said, best paninis you'll ever eat."

Harry orders the day's special while Niall settles for a minestrone, some buns to go with that, and a steak melt panini, whatever that means.

"Same old Nialler," Harry muses. "That metabolism is still working fast, I see."

Niall smiles, sipping his glass of water. "Luck o' th' Irish. Now, how's your life been? When the band broke up, that was pretty much it for you and music? Like, rest of us went to producing and whatnot but I hardly hear about your anymore."

Harry shrugs. "I like my peace and quiet. Still friends with Grimmy so I pop by the studio sometimes and chat with them in between breaks. You've been doing well, writing songs and mixing sounds."

"Yeah," Niall smiles, running his fingers through his now-brown hair. "It's fun, y'know? I just have fun with it, playing what I think sounds right and if they like it, I record it and play it for them."

"And what about that girl?" Harry asks, bracing himself for the worst.

Niall's face falls. "Oh, ehm, didn't work out. Said that my heart wasn't in our relationship and I think I know what she meant."

Harry can see that Niall wants to say more but he stops him. "This sounds like the beginning of something that we shouldn't be telling each other in public."

"Maybe you're right."

Just then, their food arrives. Harry smiles politely as he asks the server if they can have their meals wrapped to go. While they wait for their lunches and the bill, Harry avoids looking at Niall. Because if he looks into the blue depths that he has missed for too long, he knows that he'll break down and before he knows, his heart will be lying on the floor in pieces.

Somehow, he manages to go back to his house with Niall's car following his close behind. He enters his house and leaves the door wide open, leaving an invitation for his former lover to follow him inside.

 

"I'm sorry," is the first thing that Niall blurts out.

Harry looks up from the floor. "You know, I never believed it when they said that sorry wasn't going to cut it. Because when you love someone, you tend to overlook their flaws and everything they have done wrong to you. You love them despite and for their flaws and all that cheesy shit, yeah? But now, I know it's true. Sorry isn't going to mend all the cracks you have put in my heart, rather what's left of it. You took my heart and never gave it back, you know that? Every goddamn morning, I wake up and dread the day because I'll have to face it without you by my side. It literally hurts to breathe because I feel like I'm going to fall apart at the next slightest blow to my heart. I can't let myself love again, not when you took the love I saved for myself. Never thought it was possible but apparently, I loved you more than I loved myself. Still do, it seems. So, no, you can't just waltz back into my life and say that you're sorry and expect that everything will magically fix itself."

Niall looks pained. He tries to reach out and probably caress Harry's cheeks like he used to whenever Harry was feeling down but Harry won't let him. One intimate touch and he'll shatter. And no one will be able to put the pieces back together. Not even Niall.

So the next course of action for Niall, of course, is to drop down to his knees.  He tilts his head up and Harry can see the unshed tears glistening in Niall's eyes, making them appear even bluer.

"I know that simple words can't heal the past, Harry, I do. But we were so young. Barely into our twenties and the fame was getting to be too much. We were at the height of our fame and I was startin' to worry that what the people were sayin' was true. They say that the life of a celebrity is lonely 'cause you hardly get any privacy. Whatever romance you got goin' on, it's laid bared for the world to see and speculate if they think it's not for you. I was afraid that one day, people would find out about us. Even Zayn and Perrie got harsh backlash when their engagement was announced and I thought that maybe, if those same people found out that two of us were set to get married, they might try to hurt us.

"But still, we went on to get ready for a life together. We bought the house, decorated it, and dreamt of what our wedding was going to be like. Then, one night, I was having a pint with my mates from back in Ireland and they had things to say. They were sayin' some shit about how the folk back there might look down on our marriage because we're both blokes. How my ma and dad might stop loving you because you were in love with me. And that got me worryin'. That and with the people gettin' mad over England legalising same-sex marriage made me think that we couldn't go through that. You saw what happened to the first couple who got married in England.

"So I left. I left before anyone could find out about us and try to harm us. I found a girl whom I thought to fill the void you left in me but that was so stupid of me. No one can ever replace you, no one. It's like we're meant to be, y'know. Two hearts, one love. I can't love again unless that person is you, Harry. It's always been you and always will be you and only you."

Tears that have welled up in Niall's blue, blue eyes finally fall. And Harry feels himself crumble.

He falls to the floor where Niall is and he all but falls onto him. The tears that he thought had dried out surge up and before he knows it, he is sobbing into his shirt. He can barely register the fact that Niall's arms are casing him in protectively, arranging Harry's around a bit so that he is in more of a comfortable position.

Harry cries for the future that he lost in their past; he cries for the love that he couldn't force himself to let go of; he cries for the countless nights when he cried and yelled and cursed Niall until his throat felt sore and his eyes burning from the salt in his tears; he cries for the fact that he can still find it in his heart to say _'I love you'_ to Niall if he let down his guard.

And Niall holds him through it. They're crying together though Harry suspects that he keeps on crying for longer. When he comes back to his sense, he finds himself laid out on his bed, curled up into a fetal position whilst Niall is stretched out on his side, head propped up on his hand.

"You good now? I-I'm sorry, mate. This was a terrible idea. I never shoulda come back to your house. I--"

Harry stops the rambling by lunging forward and smashing their lips together. He pours all the emotions that washed through when he was crying into the kiss: love, loss, passion, emptiness, sadness, happiness, hope, lust. To his relief, Niall kisses him back, hand going up to tangle its fingers into Harry's hair. Just like the old times.

Then the kiss grows into something more. It's aggressive and that's the only way to describe the way Harry's teeth are nipping at Niall's lips as he rolls over and pins Niall underneath him.

"Four hundred and seven days," Harry spits out. "I waited for a reply, and I never got it. I figured that you were happy and that you didn't want anything to do with me."

Niall grimaces. "No, I got the letter. But I hadn't the guts to write you back. I couldn't have put the thoughts into words even if I'd tried. Not without seeing you in person."

Harry latches onto his throat angrily, sucking a bruise onto it. "That's for being an inconsiderate twat," he says. Then he moves down lower to the juncture of his neck and shoulder, his sensitive spot. "This is for leaving me," he whispers right before biting down and then sucking hard. Niall's hips buck up from underneath him and Harry smirks. Same old, same old.

And like the old times, Niall flips them over, taking charge. "Is that all you got?" he sneers, eyes darkened with lust. "Or should I?"

Harry growls and brings his hand down to squeeze at Niall's arse. "Not even close. Got more than a year's worth, haven't I?"

He unbuckles Niall's belt in a hurry then proceeds to shuck off his jeans. He puts two fingers in front of Niall's mouth and moans when Niall teases the tips by swirling his tongue on them. Then he sucks them in, then sucking on them hard and all sensual as if they were something else. Harry's dick twitches and he pulls out his fingers. Niall's always liked it rough anyways.

Harry shoves one right in to the knuckle, revelling in the choked moan that leaves Niall's mouth. "Fuckin' move already," Niall demands.

And has to obey, he's got no choice.

Soon he finds himself buried deep inside of the clutch of Niall's arse, their bodies slick with sweat and breathless pants filling up the room. Niall's eyes have slip closed and Harry drops his head to press tender kisses on each lid, the tip of his nose then finally his lips. Niall kisses back hungrily, hips rocking down to meet each of Harry's thrusts. They move in perfect synch, despite the fact that they have not done this in too long. Harry is so close, high off Niall's presence to begin with. He wraps his fingers around Niall's pricks and plays with the leaking slit, resulting in Niall biting on his lip.

"Ungh, don't play dirty," Niall grunts, just as he clenches around Harry. Harry swears that he is seeing stars.

"Says you, fuuuck."

Niall smirks and clenches again, his nails digging into Harry's shoulder blades. "Ya always were too predictable."

"Hardly call this predictable," Harry shoots back, driving harshly into Niall's prostate.

Niall comes hard with Harry's name on his lips, all breathy but loud. Harry thrusts in a couple more times before he drives in deep and stays there as he empties himself deep inside of Niall as well.

"Ugh, still not forgiven though," Harry says as he pulls out. He knows that Niall will be so sleepy and boneless by now. "Gon' take more than one epic orgasm to take away the pain you left behind."

Niall smiles, all toothy and dopey. "And I will stay to do whatever ya want me to. But sleep first. Y'know 'm a cuddler."

Harry returns the smile as he wraps his arms around Niall. "Sap."

"Your sap." A beat or two passes before Niall says. "Love ya."

And the damn tears come again. "Yeah."


End file.
